I have such big plans for the future running around in my head all day! Sometimes it makes me feel crazy and like there's not enough time to do everything.

I just gotta slow down a little and realize I can and will make these things happen. And I know I'll find the strength for it in all the places where I least expect it to be.

"Sometimes, commitment is a matter of will. You have to look at what you have right in front of you, at what it could be, and stop measuring it against what you've lost. I know this to be wise and true, just as I know that pretty much no one can do it."

"Nothing that's worthwhile is ever easy. Remember that."

really trying!...

There is just something about summertime that makes me (and everyone else around me) so happy!

And everything just ends up being so perfect.

Everything in life works out so perfectly. It's easy to forget that.

Talking to really good friends and remembering all the silly things you've done together is so nice. Especially when you know nothing between you will ever change. Especially when you can look past the parts that could have easily made the relationship unworkable. After everything you've been through -- happiness and sadness both -- it's wonderful to know that all is right and as it should be.

Weathering the storm is always worth it. 

Another school year gone.

And what an absolute rollercoaster of a year it has been.

I've abandoned my blog for most of the month of May, not because I didn't want to write, but simply because I wasn't quite sure what to say -- yet. As I've taken more personal time for myself and more time to reflect on everything I've crammed into my life since this time last year, I've had the chance to weed out some of the more superfluous things and really focus on and evaluate the events that have led to a year best characterized as one of immense self-growth.

I have so much to be proud of. At times, it's been more than difficult to recognize this through the wall I often put up around myself that's built entirely of self-criticism.  I hold myself to harshly high standards, and I forget that it's okay to fail and that it's okay to make mistakes, and to not always (or ever) be the picture of perfection. This past year has been dirty, messy and chaotic, but from all of that mess has emerged someone that I am genuinely proud of.

I've learned what true emotional strength is -- what it's like to put your entire heart on the line, to be misled at times, to be scrutinized by someone you've never met and to feel like you've gone about everything all wrong, only to come out stronger and better in the end. Relationships are difficult; being in three relationships in one year is an even more arduous task and is inevitably burdensome on your spirits when you start criticizing yourself. But doing things wrong is necessary to finally do things right. And that feeling of "rightness" -- when you've finally sorted out everything in your soul and pieced back together all the little parts of what make you, you -- makes everything more than worth it. This feeling (ya know, that love feeling :) is something I honestly would not trade in for any valuable, tangible possession in the universe. And learning to first show yourself love and respect works wonders, and that's something I will never take for granted. As for the people that have hurt you along the way, you have to make the choice to either forgive or forget. Often times both choices will be trumped by some other impossible outcome you wish you could invent, yet you still have to make the choice and do the best with what you've got. For me, forgiving has entailed salvaging parts of my past I would rather not forget, given the choice between the two. This quote quite perfectly sums up my decision-making process:

Forgiving and forgetting are fused together -- flip sides of the same coin -- and yet they couldn't both exist at the same time. Choosing one meant that you sacrificed seeing the other. -Jodi Picoult

I pushed myself this year, and I learned what it's like to be uncomfortable. I learned the value of being in uncomfortable situations and about the benefits that are often the result of those situations. So many times in my life, rather it be in school or in sports or in social situations, I've headed straight for a sense of comfort over pushing myself to the edge of what I knew to be "safe." In so many senses of the word, I've made myself uncomfortable this year. I took chances in relationships; I changed my major on a whim; I picked up a career in journalism; I made phone calls to and interviewed complete strangers on a weekly basis, and I asked (at times) uncomfortable questions. I spoke out in classes; I stood up for myself and for my beliefs; and I had my fair share of good old "young people" fun.

As a result, I've had a year that can be described by no other word than "colorful." I've been published over 20 times in the nation's second best college newspaper. I've met and formed relationships with the most wonderfully fantastic people I've had the pleasure of meeting thus far into my life. I have the highest GPA of my college career (and I'm getting better at not defining myself solely by my grades). I've met my soulmate (and I think I have more than one, to different degrees). I've had great, meaningful conversations. I've formed such an astounding love for my community, and I feel as much a resident of Chapel Hill than I do of High Point. I've taken an interest in things I never would have dreamed of (town council meetings anyone? ;). And perhaps the best thing of all, I've failed. I haven't gotten everything I wanted or things I thought I was sure to get. I haven't achieved as high as I would have liked to in some areas. But those things alone give me the motivation, inspiration and strength to shoot for more in the future. I have more than enough goals to keep me busy for a while and more than enough love surrounding me -- and really, what more can a girl ask for?

"So you're scared, and you're thinking that maybe we ain't that young anymore. Show a little faith, there's magic in the night." --Bruce Springsteen

Perfect for my life lately...

"Trying to be perfect may be inevitable for people who are smart and ambitious and interested in the world and its good opinion...What is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself."

Oh, hi again.

5:12 a.m.

FYI this is a really, really depressing time of day.

Studyin' blues

It's currently 2:25 a.m.

All I want to do write now is write. My heart, mind, soul is filled with words and thoughts and ideas that are just waiting to pour out.

But alas, it's finals week. I am still studying for my first exam, because honestly, I am determined to do well. For the first time in my college career I am seriously looking at the possibility of making straight As if I play my cards right. I've already gotten one of my grades back, so that gives me all the more motivation to keep on keepin' on for the next six days. But it's going to be a struggle.

Anyway, back to it I guess... Can't wait until I can do my year in review of sorts. I have so many lessons, reflections, etc. The usual.

Night! (Or not.)

Still Living, Still Loving

This is a blog post that I created last October after attending a seminar on dating in your older years. (I was covering the event for The Daily Tar Heel.) This was one of the most inspiring and heartwarming events I've ever had the opportunity of attending, mostly because I found that many of the lessons discussed at the seminar even apply to me at my ripe old age of 20. I wanted to resurrect the post for that reason, and because it still makes me smile and forces me to really think about what is truly important in my life.

-------------------------------

Today was one of those days.

It was one in which I remembered just why I have an absolute passion for writing - why I love journalism, why I love reporting, why I love people and their unique stories.

Although I have the feeling this will be a bit long, I also think it’s a must-read for anyone looking for some inspiration, some insight into real romance, or for anyone who just really likes a heartwarming story. :) 

I had the opportunity to cover a story today on a forum called “Still Living, Still Loving” at a Chapel Hill bookstore. The workshop was intended to give senior citizens - both male and female - some ideas on how to approach dating and relationships later in life. More importantly, it put a somewhat humorous spin on an issue that a lot of elderly adults find hard to discuss with others, and it conveyed the message that there is hope for love at any age. 

I got to the forum a little early to talk with the host of the event, a 70-something year-old lady by the name of Emily Gordon who was sweeter than the icing on a cake. She was an extremely outspoken, outgoing relationship expert who wasn’t afraid to crack a crude joke or two or to jump right into stories of her dating history. She immediately introduced me to others at the event as her “new friend” and she had that aura of the cool grandmother you always wished you had. 

A few minutes into our interview, she recounted an experience she’d had soon after relocating to Chapel Hill from New York. Finding herself missing her hometown, she began to frequent Whole Foods, a small organic grocery in Chapel Hill that also boasts excellent company and a good cup of coffee. 

On one particular occasion, Gordon was sitting alone at a table in the market when an elderly gentleman with a cane asked if he could join her. After a bit of small talk, the two discovered that they were both from up north. But Gordon soon realized after conversing with the man that he was looking for more than just chit chat - it was apparent that he was trying to find out if they were romantically compatible. Gordon, twice divorced and somewhat shocked by the man’s forthrightness, politely got up to leave. When she turned around just before exiting the market, she was surprised to see that the man had already moved on and joined another woman!

So began Emily’s interest in the realm of dating and relationships in the golden years. 

When 2 p.m. rolled around, the forum had drawn a crowd of about 10 or 15 people, almost all of whom I judged to be 60 or older. Gordon had set up a wonderful table near the back of the conference room with event fliers and informational packets printed on the type of stationary that just makes your heart melt. She’d even set out a tray containing an assortment of chocolates - “a woman’s best friend,” she said with a grin.

 She opened the forum with a poem reading (a poem which sadly I cannot remember the name of) that could warm the toughest of hearts. It was a hopeful message about finding yourself in others - not just in a romantic sense but in a companionship sense. Through her many lighthearted jokes (all of which were absolutely hysterical), Gordon really hit on the point that friendship is the foundation upon which any type of romantic relationship must be built. 

“Really think about friendship first. Take it slow, get to know the person. See if they’re anywhere close to where your interests are,” she said.

I sat there and thought about how this applied to my life. I thought about how, in the few legitimate relationships I’ve had with someone, I’d never really taken it slow enough to get a full sense of who the guy was. I always thought “Oh, well here we are dating, might as well focus on romance.”

Then I found it inspiring that, even in the later years when a person doesn’t feel as invincible as I do at 19 and doesn’t know how much time he or she has left, taking it slow and forming a solid base on which to build a relationship is still the number one priority.

“Take your time,” Gordon said. “There is no deadline for friendship.” 

Lane Anderson, a distinguished family therapist, also joined Gordon on the panel at the workshop. A retired naval officer, I expected him to be tough as nails - and he could be. But what he was really focused on was elaborating on the importance of companionship, and adding that real, old-fashioned romanceshould never be abandoned - especially by senior citizens who have been married for decades.

“Romance is the essence of any relationship,” he said. “If you’re married to your best friend, you will never be lonely, even if you’re alone.”

“Be spontaneous with relationships. And think about when you kissed her goodbye. Did you notice what shoes she had on, or if her hair was different?”

And what really, really hit home for me was the last point he made directly to me, as I was walking out the door and about to head back to the newsroom. 

He said that dating someone or marrying someone can never be justified by the statement “He/she makes me happy.” He emphasized that happiness is a personal achievement, one made by you and you alone. While relationships with others and having a family can enrich a happiness that is already in place, that happiness can never be created by another person. 

“If you don’t love yourself, you can’t give it away,” he said. 

Needless to say, I left with a stronger sense of self. And much, much more than I expected to gain from an elderly dating advice session. ;)

Link to the (much SHORTER, less detailed) Daily Tar Heel version.  :

I just really, really, really

love words.

Just wondering...

Is it time for me to graduate, get a job and a real life, get away from annoying situations, etc. yet?

I didn't think so.

Well, on the bright side, I'll be home one month and 2 days from today.

Inspiration.

Upon receiving the sad news of the death of one of my favorite and most inspiring professors at UNC, George Rabinowitz, I took a while to reflect on what I'd learned from one of the greatest teachers, scholars and individuals I've ever had the honor of knowing. After much contemplation and getting the urge to write my myriad of thoughts down somewhere, I can truly say that, despite being just another number in a 250+ person lecture hall, my future most likely began in the back row of George's introductory course to American government during my first year at Carolina.

My freshman year began like most others', full of schedule tweaking, juggling studying and socializing, and becoming accustomed to the busy life of a college student. Like many other optimistic 18-year-olds, I thought I knew what I wanted to do with my life: I was hell-bent on breaking into the medical field, pursuing a degree in pharmacy so I could sit back and relish in my six-figure salary after a day of dishing out pills and reading up  the oh-so-fun topic of chemical interactions.

Remembering that -- along with diving headfirst into my career studies -- I also had to fulfill the typical liberal arts requirements, I frantically searched high and low through the undergraduate bulletin to find a class that even remotely sparked my interest. Seeking the advice of the much wiser upperclassmen, I'd heard some positive reviews about POLI 100, a beginner's course on the general structure and interworkings of American politics. And I'd also heard that it was "easy." What college student isn't looking for a GPA booster? I knew that within my self-convicted, science-obsessed soul I would need a safety net in case things went south in biology and chemistry. So I signed up for the class, since I was slightly more interested in politics than your average college student anyway, and my older brother, having made his way through law school, knew the ins and outs of the political science curriculum at UNC. When I told him my professor would be George Rabinowitz, he told me I'd love the class. At the time, I didn't know just how much truth this opinion would hold.

One of the first things I learned when making the transition from high school to college was that a few professors, as opposed to high school teachers that merely "taught to the test," actually had a passion for what they were teaching. They sought out students who wanted to come to class and cared about the material as much as they did, and that enthusiasm shined through in their teaching styles. George was one of those few, and, despite that conviction that I "loved" science courses, I actually enjoyed dragging myself out of bed and trudging to my political science class every Monday and Wednesday. I looked forward to George's mix of subtle humor and his extensive knowledge of politics. Though he was probably one of the most intelligent scholars in his field, he never taught with a condescending, "you-should-know-this-already" style. He was friendly and open to all students; if you needed extra help, he would be there. His tests were challenging, and yes, we even had to read a novel on the worst topic ever: tax reform. We all groaned and complained (who could ever even turn tax reform into a novel anyway?) -- but secretly we all probably enjoyed it just a little, because we were being educated. I was most interested in George's lectures on elections and voting behavior, and I was fascinated by his development of the directional model of voting. He made the complicated things simple. And as I delved deeper into politics, my interest in science and the like began to tarnish.

All in all, the class did help my GPA, but it went much further than that. George's enthusiastic attitude towards a subject that so many would find mundane and his passion for educating pushed me to sign up for a few more political science classes the next semester. When my first year at Carolina came to a close, I had a solid GPA and had done well in my science classes, which, of course, is what really mattered... right? But after a few weeks of being home for the summer, I began to second guess myself (to my great chagrin). I liked politics, but there was no way social science mixed with physical science. I couldn't major in both subjects, because it would most likely be a waste of my time.

But, one night, after reflecting on my year and on the ways I'd been challenged to think critically in my political science classes -- and especially George's class in particular -- I took a leap of faith and dropped every single one of my science classes for the next semester. Am I crazy? I thought. There was probably no way I could get into the classes I'd need to be in if I just switched my major on a whim sans any advising. And considering the huge wait list for the science classes, there was definitely no way I could get back into the classes I'd just dropped.

But by some miracle, it worked. I found my way into many of the classes I needed, and, thanks to some inspiration from George, I'd already taken a few of the classes I was required to take for the political science major. I'm now a second-semester sophomore, one class away from completing the political science major, with hopes of attending law school upon graduation. I don't think I could be any more satisfied with my studies, nor could I be any more convinced that this is what I'm supposed to be doing with my life.

Though I never got to know George one-on-one, I felt like I really got to know him personally. He taught his classes as if you were the only individual in the classroom, never rushing through lectures and always stopping to answer any questions. If I'd never signed up for that first political science class, I'd probably still be blindly and half-heartedly working my way through chemical equations, falling asleep somewhere between helium and carbon on the periodic table. Thanks to one of the greatest professionals and people I've ever had the pleasure of knowing, I'm confident that I'm putting my best foot forward and my entire heart into something that I know will be rewarding as I pursue my career goals, and for that I'll be forever grateful.

We'll miss you, George.

Colorful.

An even more interesting follow-up article from the last blog post is here.

Anyway, I had such a perfect weekend! The weather Friday afternoon was absolutely gorgeous, and what better way to spend it than throwing colored powder and water all over people with my friends? :) A campus-wide celebration of the Hindu spring festival of Holi was held in Polk Place, and it was such a wonderful way to bring everyone together and to have tons of fun at the same time. The festival is also a symbol of the loosening of social stratifications and honors the energy and life of the spring season -- which I felt like was totally appropriate considering the amazing spring weather and all the energy I've had lately!

We clearly had fun afterwards at the Old Well, too. :)

Spent the rest of my weekend with a sweet boy watching the NCAA Tournament games and being entirely too lazy whatnot. I am always overwhelmed and amazed when I think about the luck I've had in snagging such a great person who never fails to make me laugh with our similar sarcastic humors or treat me like a princess, haha. I don't remember a weekend where we didn't have a great time, whether we're doing everything or nothing special at all. It's amazing how happy finding that one person can make you feel and can change your entire outlook on life. I can honestly say I have never in my life been happier with everything. :)

Only 5 more weeks of classes, which absolutely blows my mind! I've been feeling a little burned out lately, but  by some miracle of God I still have As in all of my classes, which would be great to keep up for just those last 5 weeks! This semester has proved a world of difference compared to the last in terms of productivity when it comes to my school work and my personal life. Amazing what the right combination of happiness, motivation and a change of scenery can do for you!

A world apart.

It's pretty amazing how two countries can have two completely different perspectives on the exact same issue.

Case in point:

About 6,700 miles separate Tokyo, Japan from New York City. Right now, those 6,700 miles are serving as a buffer between the different effects that Friday's 8.9 magnitude earthquake that struck Sendai and triggered tsunami waves from Asia all the way to the Pacific is having on people around the world.

This really came to my attention today during one of my journalism lectures. As a side note (and don't get me wrong), there is of course a huge overlap between the U.S. and Japan when it comes to lending a hand and extending sympathies and aid to those affected by the quake. Tons of Americans, as well as the Japanese, are doing their part and helping in any way they can, whether through prayer or through donations. But naturally, we ultimately aren't as negatively affected by the tragedy as those who live on the coast of Japan. We don't "know how they feel," because we've never experienced anything like it (and hopefully never will).  It's not that we don't care, it's just that we don't understand.

Where the Japanese see unequaled tragedy, we (in addition to tragedy) see politics and economics.

This morning my professor -- as opposed to pulling an article about the massive devastation that will take years to clean up, or one about how the death tolls are now expected to rise into the tens of thousands --  showed us an article about the positive effects the disaster had on the U.S. stock market. The Dow Jones Industrial rose nearly 60 points Friday, a relatively modest gain, but a gain nonetheless. And lumber companies and manufacturers who produce materials needed for construction are about to reap some serious monetary benefits from such a tragedy. Oil prices fell below $101 per barrel as demand lowered in Japan, surely exciting some Americans and serving as the silver lining in the disaster that we only make passing remarks about, as we're all 6,700 miles removed from any real danger.

In the words of my professor: "As sad as it may be, there is some real money to be made in natural disasters."

It's not right and it's not wrong, just fairly interesting.

You know what's super depressing?

Returning to your 8 a.m. class after sleeping in until at least 11 a.m. every day of spring break.

Bittersweet things

Ah, such a relaxing spring break! Got to catch up with my favorite people, spend time with the boy I'm head-over-heels in love with and watch lots of basketball. It was a tough Carolina loss to swallow today, that's for sure, but I'm really hoping we can turn around and translate the loss into some positive energy for the real tournament. I'm not ready to give up just yet.

Lots of work to do in the next couple of weeks; I am absolutely blown away by the fact that there are only 6 weeks of classes left. The two 10-page papers I have and a few more exams are seriously going to suck, but once I get those out of the way, this semester will practically be over. Crazy how time flies...

On a side note, I'm really noticing how much more, eh, "grown up" I'm feeling and becoming lately. There are times when so much happens at once that you can literally feel yourself changing, and I've definitely had a few of these moments recently... I like it.

Plan for this week: crackdown on studying, get back to the gym, stay focused. Ready, go.

Also, can I just say

that I am loving Blogspot so much more than Tumblr, Wordpress, etc. right now! The features and stats are so fun and up-to-date!

Here we go again...

Well, this will be about my third or fourth attempt at actually maintaining a legitimate blog. By legitimate I mean one that consists of content with some sort of substance as opposed to me merely slapping up useless pictures and tons of quotes that don't reflect much more than severe laziness and unoriginality. I am much too interested in journalism, politics, worldly events and the like to keep my thoughts bottled up inside my head. (More importantly, I talk entirely too much already, and I feel as if I'm doing my friends and family a great service by rambling to the internet rather than to them.)

We'll see where this goes...