Everything in life works out so perfectly. It's easy to forget that.
Talking to really good friends and remembering all the silly things you've done together is so nice. Especially when you know nothing between you will ever change. Especially when you can look past the parts that could have easily made the relationship unworkable. After everything you've been through -- happiness and sadness both -- it's wonderful to know that all is right and as it should be.
Weathering the storm is always worth it.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Another school year gone.
And what an absolute rollercoaster of a year it has been.
I've abandoned my blog for most of the month of May, not because I didn't want to write, but simply because I wasn't quite sure what to say -- yet. As I've taken more personal time for myself and more time to reflect on everything I've crammed into my life since this time last year, I've had the chance to weed out some of the more superfluous things and really focus on and evaluate the events that have led to a year best characterized as one of immense self-growth.
I have so much to be proud of. At times, it's been more than difficult to recognize this through the wall I often put up around myself that's built entirely of self-criticism. I hold myself to harshly high standards, and I forget that it's okay to fail and that it's okay to make mistakes, and to not always (or ever) be the picture of perfection. This past year has been dirty, messy and chaotic, but from all of that mess has emerged someone that I am genuinely proud of.
I've learned what true emotional strength is -- what it's like to put your entire heart on the line, to be misled at times, to be scrutinized by someone you've never met and to feel like you've gone about everything all wrong, only to come out stronger and better in the end. Relationships are difficult; being in three relationships in one year is an even more arduous task and is inevitably burdensome on your spirits when you start criticizing yourself. But doing things wrong is necessary to finally do things right. And that feeling of "rightness" -- when you've finally sorted out everything in your soul and pieced back together all the little parts of what make you, you -- makes everything more than worth it. This feeling (ya know, that love feeling :) is something I honestly would not trade in for any valuable, tangible possession in the universe. And learning to first show yourself love and respect works wonders, and that's something I will never take for granted. As for the people that have hurt you along the way, you have to make the choice to either forgive or forget. Often times both choices will be trumped by some other impossible outcome you wish you could invent, yet you still have to make the choice and do the best with what you've got. For me, forgiving has entailed salvaging parts of my past I would rather not forget, given the choice between the two. This quote quite perfectly sums up my decision-making process:
As a result, I've had a year that can be described by no other word than "colorful." I've been published over 20 times in the nation's second best college newspaper. I've met and formed relationships with the most wonderfully fantastic people I've had the pleasure of meeting thus far into my life. I have the highest GPA of my college career (and I'm getting better at not defining myself solely by my grades). I've met my soulmate (and I think I have more than one, to different degrees). I've had great, meaningful conversations. I've formed such an astounding love for my community, and I feel as much a resident of Chapel Hill than I do of High Point. I've taken an interest in things I never would have dreamed of (town council meetings anyone? ;). And perhaps the best thing of all, I've failed. I haven't gotten everything I wanted or things I thought I was sure to get. I haven't achieved as high as I would have liked to in some areas. But those things alone give me the motivation, inspiration and strength to shoot for more in the future. I have more than enough goals to keep me busy for a while and more than enough love surrounding me -- and really, what more can a girl ask for?
I've abandoned my blog for most of the month of May, not because I didn't want to write, but simply because I wasn't quite sure what to say -- yet. As I've taken more personal time for myself and more time to reflect on everything I've crammed into my life since this time last year, I've had the chance to weed out some of the more superfluous things and really focus on and evaluate the events that have led to a year best characterized as one of immense self-growth.
I have so much to be proud of. At times, it's been more than difficult to recognize this through the wall I often put up around myself that's built entirely of self-criticism. I hold myself to harshly high standards, and I forget that it's okay to fail and that it's okay to make mistakes, and to not always (or ever) be the picture of perfection. This past year has been dirty, messy and chaotic, but from all of that mess has emerged someone that I am genuinely proud of.
I've learned what true emotional strength is -- what it's like to put your entire heart on the line, to be misled at times, to be scrutinized by someone you've never met and to feel like you've gone about everything all wrong, only to come out stronger and better in the end. Relationships are difficult; being in three relationships in one year is an even more arduous task and is inevitably burdensome on your spirits when you start criticizing yourself. But doing things wrong is necessary to finally do things right. And that feeling of "rightness" -- when you've finally sorted out everything in your soul and pieced back together all the little parts of what make you, you -- makes everything more than worth it. This feeling (ya know, that love feeling :) is something I honestly would not trade in for any valuable, tangible possession in the universe. And learning to first show yourself love and respect works wonders, and that's something I will never take for granted. As for the people that have hurt you along the way, you have to make the choice to either forgive or forget. Often times both choices will be trumped by some other impossible outcome you wish you could invent, yet you still have to make the choice and do the best with what you've got. For me, forgiving has entailed salvaging parts of my past I would rather not forget, given the choice between the two. This quote quite perfectly sums up my decision-making process:
Forgiving and forgetting are fused together -- flip sides of the same coin -- and yet they couldn't both exist at the same time. Choosing one meant that you sacrificed seeing the other. -Jodi PicoultI pushed myself this year, and I learned what it's like to be uncomfortable. I learned the value of being in uncomfortable situations and about the benefits that are often the result of those situations. So many times in my life, rather it be in school or in sports or in social situations, I've headed straight for a sense of comfort over pushing myself to the edge of what I knew to be "safe." In so many senses of the word, I've made myself uncomfortable this year. I took chances in relationships; I changed my major on a whim; I picked up a career in journalism; I made phone calls to and interviewed complete strangers on a weekly basis, and I asked (at times) uncomfortable questions. I spoke out in classes; I stood up for myself and for my beliefs; and I had my fair share of good old "young people" fun.
As a result, I've had a year that can be described by no other word than "colorful." I've been published over 20 times in the nation's second best college newspaper. I've met and formed relationships with the most wonderfully fantastic people I've had the pleasure of meeting thus far into my life. I have the highest GPA of my college career (and I'm getting better at not defining myself solely by my grades). I've met my soulmate (and I think I have more than one, to different degrees). I've had great, meaningful conversations. I've formed such an astounding love for my community, and I feel as much a resident of Chapel Hill than I do of High Point. I've taken an interest in things I never would have dreamed of (town council meetings anyone? ;). And perhaps the best thing of all, I've failed. I haven't gotten everything I wanted or things I thought I was sure to get. I haven't achieved as high as I would have liked to in some areas. But those things alone give me the motivation, inspiration and strength to shoot for more in the future. I have more than enough goals to keep me busy for a while and more than enough love surrounding me -- and really, what more can a girl ask for?
Monday, May 9, 2011
Perfect for my life lately...
"Trying to be perfect may be inevitable for people who are smart and ambitious and interested in the world and its good opinion...What is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself."
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